Communication and How it Affects Relationships - Continued

Have you ever been annoyed by how long it took for your significant other (or anyone else for that matter) to answer a question or do something? I know I sure have. I was once in a relationship where my boyfriend would rarely respond to a question without a good 20 minutes to think it over. I am not the kind of person who likes to sit around and think a simple question like "How was your day?" over for 20 minutes (okay, I might be exaggerating), so I got annoyed with him.
In Scientology, there is a test you can use on your significant other (or anyone else, friends, family, whoever!) to see if you will be able to communicate with them or if you will go crazy trying to communicate with them. This is an interesting and important test to make, since communication is so important in a relationship.

So, without further ado, here it is from the horse's mouth (meaning as written by L. Ron Hubbard):


"There should be some parity of intellect and sanity between a husband and wife for them to have a successful marriage....

"In Scientology, there is a test for sanity and comparative sanity which is so simple that anyone can apply it. What is the 'communication lag' of the individual? When asked a question, how long does it take him to answer it? When a remark is addressed to him, how long does it take to register and return?

"The length of time intervening between the time a question or remark is addressed to a person and the time that that person answers the original question or statement is known as his 'communication lag'....

"Marital partners who have the same communication lag (meaning that their rate of response to questions or remarks addressed to them is similar) will get along; where one partner is fast and one is slow, the situation will become unbearable to the fast partner and miserable to the slow one."


So, there ya go. If you want to know what kind of person to start a relationship with, use the communication lag rule. Works every time I've used it! Let me know how it works for you.

Communication and How it Affects Relationships

I've been meaning to write something on this for a little while now, but haven't gotten around to it. As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently completed the Starting the Successful Marriage Course. No, my boyfriend hasn't proposed, so congratulations are not in order - but we did do the course together!

Anyway, that's beside the point. I wanted to do a post regarding one of the things I learned on the course, with regards to communication. In Scientology, there is something we call the ARC Triangle which stands for Affinity*, Reality** and Communication***. If these point are all used, they bring about Understanding. This is incredibely important in a relationship. In fact, one of the biggest complaints I hear from my friends are "He just doesn't understand me." Maybe the problem is that he doesn't get why she simply has to buy that $200 pair of jeans or she doesn't like it when he checks other women out or whatever, it really doesn't matter. It can all be solved by using the ARC triange. The whole principle of the triangle is that these three things (Affinity, Reality and Communication) are all related. As Mr. Hubbard puts it in the course booklet for the Starting the Successful Marriage Course:

"Without affinity there is no reality or communication. Without reality there is no affinity or communication. Without communication there is no affinity nor reality."

So, the basic idea is that if there is no affection between people, they will have no reality and will not be able to communicate.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt your partner didn't listen to you? Did it do well or poorly? Anytime I've had that scenerio - it always led to a fight, which is to say, a lowering of affinity, reality, communication and finally a lowering of understanding. You don't feel like they "get" you because they aren't communicating, which makes your affection for them less and makes your relationship less real. Have you ever experienced this? Let me know!




*Affinity: means emotional response. The feeling of affection or lack of it.
**Reality: means the solid objects, the real things of life.
***Communication: means an interchange of ideas between two people

Sex and the Tone Scale

I just completed the "Starting a Successful Marriage Course" and in it, it talks about the tone scale (where people are at emotionally, are they enthusiastic, interested, bored, overtly hostile, covertly hostile, fearful, sad, etc) and how they react to the subject and action of sex. Here is a brief overview:

• People who are enthusiastic in life have a high enjoyment level and very moral reactions toward sex.


• People very interested in life have a high interest in the opposite sex and are faithful to their partners.


• People who are bored in life have some disinterest in sex, mostly because they are not interested in anything. Sexual action can be performed, depending on physical ability.


• People who are openly hostile are disgusted with sex and have a revulsion toward sex. When people are very hateful, they can use sex as a punishment.


• People who are covertly hostile will be promiscuous, perverse and sadistic. They do not enjoy sex, but have a hectic anxiety about it. Here is the pervert, unfaithful lover, easy marriage and quick divorce.


• People who are constantly sad are often impotent and are anxious about sex, with only occasional efforts to procreate.
  

More info can be found in the course above and in the book: Science of Survival, which is a really informative book that talks about people and how to understand and deal with them.

Another reason I thought I'd bring the above info up on my blog is that I've run into situations with my friends where they weren't being so sane when it came to sex with other people. To me, a lot of the information that I read in the course above and in Science of Survival helped me understand what they were going through and how to help them.